Brothers and sisters

Expanding the family can be a hard time on all but especially for the only child at the time, I  was so nervous giving Alfie a brother or sister. Alfie has always been number one, first child, first grand child, great grandchild etc it is an understatement to say he was spoilt rotten and demanding attention from every family member.

I for certain I never wanted him to be an only child, I felt like an only child most of my life as my baby brother is severely disabled, being 21 now for the best part of his life I helped care and nurture him. I did feel lonely at times and that I had a huge responsibility. I would of loved more siblings or someone to play with at times though I never missed out having plenty of friends and family.

My brother was diagnosed at 19 with a genetic condition therefore leading to question of wether I carried the gene that could pass to my children, at the time believing it was 50/50 chance and that the disorder only affected men but could be carried by woman.. Either I didn’t have it or Alfie was extremely lucky to be born completely fine and no trace of the disorder. 

I had the blood tests done but deep down I think I knew all would be fine, we longed for a baby after we were married, the wait was Killing me and the gap between Alfie and the next child was getting larger and making me more uneasy. I never wanted a large gap but life got in the way at times. I rang nearly every two days for roughly 2 months waiting for the results and the go ahead… They came it was fine… Straight onto baby making!!!! 

We tried to prepare Alfie as much as possible about how life would be when the baby came etc and how he could help and be involved and how fun it would be. I was extremely nervous and really didn’t know how Alfie would react. I felt like for 9 whole months I was continuously saying “when the baby is born” this and that I’m sure he was starting to get sick of it. 

The night before the baby came I was all over the place so many mixed emotions, how would Alfie feel? Would he be jealous? I felt bad he had to share me and his dad with this new person. 
All the bad thoughts I might of had about the situation soon faded with Alfie’s reaction to it all, Iv never seen the look on his face before that he had peaking round that hospital curtain the day he came to meet his sister. 

We had 4 hard months after Isla was born that was extremely hard on the family, she had silent reflux and we were exhausted I felt I was endlessly telling Alfie in a minute and I can’t play right now all the things I said I would make time for before she was born I found myself having no time for at all, fast forwarding 7 months and my son is no longer the baby he has grown over night and matured to an extent I didn’t see possible at 6, he adores his sister, nearly mothering at times asking if Iv put sun cream on her etc, he plays with her holds her and kisses her. All this off his own accord and not being asked, last night the three of us lay in bed I nursed Isla and he rolled over pecked her on the back of the head and rolled over again, he doesn’t bother with her because he has to or for attention of others but because he loves her unconditionally, the way they look at eachother I could never fully describe its magical, he is her hero and protector. I believe and hope they will always be close and look to eachother for friendship and times of need.

Sharing my love

Tags

love, Motherhood, mybaby, sharingthelove, Son

  
This picture was taking the night before I went to be induced to have my daughter… The whole family was excited and nervous we lay like this for a while taking in the bliss of the 4 of us(my son, husband, pug and myself)! We had always been a great team.. I remember all the important memories of my little mans milestones… I’d look into his eyes many times and get that magnificent stomach flip, lump in the throat feelings.. He was mine.. 

When you watch your child grow and develop Infront our your eyes you are always filled with pride… Everything our families have done in this perfect little persons life is to raise, guide and nurture him. On the build up to having our second child I couldn’t help feel guilty.. Guilty that he wouldn’t have my full attention, guilty he would have to share me… And on the other hand how could I possibly ever love another child the same… Riddled with anxiety at the thought everything was going to change.. He was my baby my only baby and I felt I was betraying him.. How would he cope? Would he be jealous? Would he like his sibling? 

Il never know why I ever doubted my little man.. He was amazing from the second my daughter was born, he is caring, loving, gentle, sympathetic and much more. Il never forget the pride and love that filled his face when he stepped around that hospital curtain and met his little sister… He has amazed me in the last 6 months my little baby turned into a big boy over night.. Looking at him many days and finding it unbelievable how he’s grown up Infront of my eyes. 

Becoming a big bother he has matured, been patient, always kind, loving and sharing, no flicker of jealousy, no confusion. He’s so patient when I say again “wait a minute son”, “two seconds I’m feeding, rocking, bathing, changing etc your sister” his response always “ok mum”. Im so proud of him, he leaves me speechless continuously whilst seeing his amazing qualities shine through and his lovely personality taking form. 

I always plan to let him know how important he is to me, how much I love him and how good of a big brother he is. I’m lucky he is the way he is and adapted so well, he will always be my number one and my little boy because il never not tell him. It’s shocked me I love my children the same I never thought I’d would, I clearly have enough love to share.